I Always Feel Like Somebody's Watching Me....

This post is a tough one to swallow. I have been finding myself in this constant battle with a scripture. The scripture is the one in 1 Corinthians I think about "my actions causing another brother to fall". I HATE THAT SCRIPTURE! I do not EVER want to be responsible for someone else's actions. I do not want to be the blame for someone else's weakness. However, lately I have been looking at that scriputer a whole lot differently.

Have you ever thought that those same people learning from your example or watching your God walk are walking taller and learning positive from your example?

I understand the scripture to mean that my testimony, my ministry could really have no effect on anyone if I am out there wallowing with the pigs. I also understand it to mean that if I am doing something that has a negative effect on my fellow folks then I should stop... All that being said the COOLEST THING HAS HAPPENED THIS WEEK. I know it was God showing me the positive side to this scripture.

Before this revelation, when I heard this scripture or anyone even hint around to it, I would automatically hear that old song..."I always feel like somebody's watching meeeee and I have no privacy whhhooaaa. I always feel like somebody's watching me" and they were waiting for me trip up so they could blame me for their misbehavior...uggghhh

side note: Personal responsibility stinks :)

Moving on! What if we can flip that scripture upside down in my mind? Let's do it...

People ARE watching me! They ARE watching me and making positive changes in their lives.

Since I have started this C25K plan I KNOW that at least 7 other women were inspired to do the same. INSPIRED BY ME! HOLY COW!! I have inspired people! I have inspired people in a positive manner!! eeeeeekkkkkkk....

My heart does flip flops when I think about it. MY influence is out there and it matters. That floors my inner being! That makes my inner gal dance! Not just a side to side sway but a full blown do-si-doe!!

Does it scare me a little?? Heck Yes! It sure does! Does it change the way I post things on Facebook? You better believe it. It changes everything about me. It changes my own personal outlook on my personal responsibility!

You see, when you figure out that people ARE watching you and the type of influence and inspiration you can be; it makes you want to live a better life. When you get that text or message that says "Because you inspired me I am gonna..." it is indescribable. It is life changing!!

Hear my heart..I know that God moved these people too but this is about ME right now LOL...totally kidding. Reality is that God revealed to me a while back that my ministry would simply be "Being ME" and blooming right where I am and it is happening! It is effortlessly happening.

I never thought that the blossom would wear a pair of running shoes but it did. I have been able to minister to several ladies not because I have a ministry and they seek that but because I am a woman tackling something difficult and doing it with JOY...they see that they can do it too. They can tackle life issues.

Some have asked how I do it and my response is always JESUS and there is the open door. Some have just used my running as a way to open the door to conversations that lead to real life challenges. They were seeking advice and my new adventure was a conversation starter but the root always reveals itself. Sometimes it really is advice about running. Sometimes it is just a quick compliment about being proud of me but most times it is more of a time of ministry and heart healing conversations!

WOW...so next time you feel a pair of eyes on you don't automatically think it something negative. Remember that it can influence either way. Which influence will you be? Will you be singing the song? I will sing. I will sing at the top of my lungs..."I always feel like somebody's watching meeeeee" because they ARE and I love it!

The day was July 19, 2012. It was the day that I became "More than a conqueror!" in the C25K world. I jogged for 20 minutes straight. It was like nothing I have ever done before. I knew that I could do it and I did. Was I anxious? YES! But at the same time I was so determined that I would succeed that there was no turning back.

I kept looking at my phone trying to see how far I had gone. The first time I looked I had gone for 6 minutes and was shocked that I had gone that long. I loved that Emilee and I were joking and laughing about this run THE WHOLE 6 MINUTES.

The next time I looked at the phone...12 minutes!! REALLY? Holy running shoes folks! I had been jogging for 12 minutes!! I had this in the bag until THE HILL STRIKES BACK! The hill struck and I panicked but only for 10 steps and I was back at it.

When my sweet Emilee started the countdown it felt like pure exhileration!!

30, 29 ,28 ,27 ,26 , 25 I started fist pumping like those fools from Jersey Shore!!

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 I was praising God and dancing to the finish!!!!

I don't think I have yelled that loud in a long time and there was my sweet Emilee right there beside me cheering me on! She was yelling as loud as me!

The moment she looked at me and gave me a high five followed by the "I am proud of you mom" I felt like I could have fought Superman and kicked his "bleep"...

We came on home for some H2O cause it was HOT!!

You know they say that girls glisten when they get hot?? This girl was SWEATIN'...I don't mean I was perspiring. I. WAS. SWEATIN.

I earned that sweat! I was proud of that sweat. I will sweat that way again.

My next goal? 25 minutes!!

I WILL DO THIS!!

Today is July 9, 2012 and I just completed Week 3 day 3 of C25K while talking to the hubby! That's right! I was talking the entire time. Of course, he says that I should speed up. That sentence changed my mind. That sentence changed my thinking.
THAT SENTENCE CHANGED MY RUN.

That sentence made me stop and realize that NO, I shouldn't speed up to be like him. I should go at MY pace. Do what I am comfortable with. This is my race.

I honestly feel like I could have done the 5 minute jog today. I didn't give it my all. I gave just enough to get me through. Tomorrow will be different.

I am learning to compete with MYSELF. I will no longer wonder why the other members of my team are doing so much better than me. I will be proud of where I am. I will push myself to run harder when the time comes.

But right now, with a slower pace and the grace of God, I will continue to improve!

Today was a good day!

Tomorrow is another day!

Tomorrow is another day!

3 days worth of antibiotic! Several days of rest! My runner partner (hubby) is ready to go and my head is on straight!

Tomorrow is another day and I am ready to kick some asphalt #@&!!!!!!!!!

Today was a tough day!

Today has been a tough day!

For the last couple of weeks I have had a terrible cold. My nose was stuffy! My chest congested! I was wheezy! You name it. I.HAD.A.COLD.

The hubby has not been running with me. He has been a slacker (totally kidding but the times just didn't work out for us). However, I have still been going to run. I haven't been doing the C25K app like I should but I have been running. I have been giving it all I could. It has been fun! It has been a challenge! It has been fulfilling! I couldn't wait for him to come with me today. 2 weeks with no running for him vs me giving my all for 2 weeks! I was ready to show him some progress!

But today was tough!!

I have heard many beginning runners say "I just don't stop". No matter how tough it is "I just don't stop". I decided last night before bed that I was NOT gonna stop today. Not today! Today I would do it! I would warm up for 5 minutes and I would jog for 5 minutes!!!! I would do it today. Today I just would not stop but I did! I did stop! I stopped before the 5 minutes was up! I was disappointed! I was disgusted! I let myself down! I decided I would never be able to do this!

Today was a tough day!

Then I changed my mind...

I can do this! I AM A RUNNER! I will not stop! I will rise to the challenge! I will NOT let myself down! I WILL DO THIS!

Today was a tough day!

3.25 Miles seals the deal

I read somewhere a couple of weeks ago that one day a week you should extend your run/walk to increase the number of calories you burn. Maybe it was an article about ways to bust a plateau when losing weight I don't know. Anyway, that article got me thinking that maybe I needed to do that not to increase caloric burn but to condition my body to the 3.16 miles that I am committed to in September.

On Monday since Hubby wasn't able to come with me on the walk/run I decided it would be my day to test the waters! Shew!! The waters were rough. I did way more walking than running and a WHOLE LOT OF JUSTIFICATION.

That's when it hit me...Two things

1. It is so important to have a running buddy for encouragement and accountability and 2. Without God your willpower is non-existent.

I found a Joyce Meyer book at B.A.M. the other day for $3.97! That's right, Joyce Meyer for $3.97. I couldn't resist it. The title is "Look Great! Feel Great! 12 Keys to Enjoying a Healthy Life Now" I picked it up and brought it home (after paying of course) and settled in to read it.



Key #1
Let God Do The Heavy Lifting

Basically it went like this...

You start a diet and within a couple of weeks you are off track and cheating left and right. The line that stuck out was this one "We think we are to blame. If only we weren't so weak, if we had more willpower, we'd be incredibly, thin and healthy." or in my case running at a longer distance with a better pace. She then goes on to explain The Truth About Willpower.

We are led to believe that we have enough willpower to fight off every temptation that comes our way. Willpower is our bestfriend when things are going great but the first one to check out when things get weary! Willpower also goes hand in hand with "reason" and "reason" is always opened to be reasoned with. In many cases, "I can eat that piece of pie and then workout twice tomorrow" or "I have ran everyday this week so I can skip today". If we really don't want to do something our mind gives us plenty of reasons not too and my emotions will join right in. Our soul would love to run our lives but the bible says we are to be led by God's spirit. We are never instructed to be led by willpower but we are instructed to be spirit led. Willpower and discipline are important and vital in life but willpower alone will NEVER be enough. Zechariah 4:6 says "Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit says the Lord of hosts". We need God to release his power into our willpower to energize us. John 15:5 "Apart from me you can do nothing".... the chapter goes on to say that we should invite God into everything we do and he should always get the glory.

I typed all that to type this...

While on the trail on Monday I knew that I was going to extend my walk/run. I haven't been feeling well lately. My chest has been congested making me kind of wheezy. My nose has been a little stuffy and honestly, RUNNING IS HARD!

So, I am on the trail...5 minute warm up under my belt and I had been running for about 3 minutes I guess and that is when the willpower fizzled out and the reasoning kicked in. All those reasons above...I am going to go extra miles today so I should conserve my energy...I am not breathing at my max capacity today so I should just walk...I will give it all I got on Wednesday when Hubby comes with me cause he pushes me so I should relax today...I even went as far as saying to myself "I should use this time as my God time" and just like that God said to me "Geez Michelle, you really don't wanna run if you will use me as an excuse" LOL He then brought back to my remembrance what Joyce Meyer wrote in the book about willpower and reasoning. WOW!! I was right in the middle of it and do it all the time!!

I have been trying to do this in my own strength this whole time and that isn't possible! I must have the spirit of God to push me through and carry me across that finish line. On the trail that day I asked God for his power to intertwine with my willpower. I accepted that fact that this is something that I cannot do without God.

I would like to say I decreased my pace that day but I didn't. I would like to say it was the best walk/run but it wasnt. My walk/run distance was 3.25 miles in 59:06 minutes. It was hot, my legs hurt, I had a blister almost come up on my left foot that I rebuked for the last 1/2 mile and I complained the entire time but I had a great revelation that day...

"With God all things are possible"...even Michelle becoming a runner!

You know you're a runner when...

Today hubby and I had to run some errands. I had him drop me off at the Old Navy end of Jackson Plaza so I could "browse" while he was taking care of his errands. While at Old Navy I found the cutest tank. It says "Live to Run! Run to Live" I love it so I got it. I can always use more running wear right? Well, he picks me up and says to me..."Michelle, you are addicted". My response a smile and innocent "Why do you say that?" His response...

1. You get excited about shoes that aren't "dress up" shoes!

2. All of your new clothes lately are active wear!

Both of these statements are true!! I thought this was funny and started thinking of other things about my life that have changed...

3. It's summer right? I should want summer pool weather? I don't want any type of summer sun until around 9:00. I want cool mornings so I can run!

4. My friend Becky says to me on Tuesday "Everything is about running with you lately" YES! YES! YES!

5. I delete update emails from Party City, Old Navy, The Children's Place but read every single email from Fitness Magazine, Runner's World and Shape!

6. Last year for my birthday I got a giftcard for Cato's..this year it will be Dunham's :)



I found these on the web and thought they were cute so I included these too...

•you're not embarrassed to wear spandex.

•you're always hungry.

•at least one of your web site usernames or email addresses has the word "run" or "runner" in it.

•you own more pairs of running socks than dress socks

*your laundry room is always littered with running stuff you're drying out, because you never put it in the drier.

Enjoy!! Happy Running!!

Why the new shoes?

What you see above is a brand new pair of running shoes! As of late, I have been a jogging fool. Every other day, I take Jase to daycare and head out to Cane Creek Park to run the 1.87 mile trail. My goal?? To be able to run that entire trail (in about 20 minutes) plus another mile and a half!

I started walking the 2nd week of March after I found myself with a lot of spare time on my hands. To occupy my time I asked my hubby (who asked not to be mentioned in this blog :)) if he wanted to start walking with me in the mornings. Of course, who could resist spending time with me? He said sure!!

Slowly but surely, I felt the rise up in my heart to start jogging. I have always had that desire suppressed somewhere deep inside and I am not really sure where it derived from. I know that in my mind's eye I have always wanted to say "I just ran a 5k" but the negative self-talk kicked in and my true self was decieved into believing that I wasn't able! Well, the muzzle has been put on that girl and I am free!! Anyway, I just joked a bit with hubby about jogging and he was all for it.

The first day was D.E.A.T.H. I didn't get very far. He said not even 1/4 of a mile...oh well! Day after day I finally made my goal "The Bridge" which was almost 1/4 of a mile! Oh the feeling!!! I couldn't be stopped after that. Well, I could but let's pretend.

I couldn't shake that desire to run! I would see runners on the trail and think "Michelle, he is at least 60 yrs old..come on", or "Check out her butt, it's because she runs". I started begging Jason oops! the hubby to take me to Dunham's (the local sports store) so I could look at all the running gear! I LOVE UnderArmour (can't afford it but love it just the same).

After much alone time with God, I decided it was time! Time to believe in myself. Time to step up and conquer this! Time to live this dream! TIME.TO.RUN.

So about 7 weeks ago I signed up for the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure and I am psyched...ready to run! I figure if I am committed to something I have to train right? Some other ladies that I am friends with signed up too. I downloaded the C25K app on my phone and have been hard at it. I wish I could say that I am killin' it but I am not. There are several days that I don't even wanna get out of bed let alone go get sweaty, stinky, discouraged, out of breathe and frustrated by my lack of breathing ability but I do it anyway and I.LOVE.IT.

I get such a rush of accomplishment. I get the satisfaction that most of the time I was the master of my body. I get the high that noone can explain unless they have actually jogged/ran before. I.LOVE.IT.

I have decided I will use this space to blog some of my concerns. Some of my fears. Some of my victories! If you come across this blog, send me some encouragement!

Trust me! I need it!!